Insight #14: Forgiveness.

Hello again and welcome to Insight #14: On forgiveness.

• Forgiveness is often thought of as something we offer others. We forgive others for their perceived lacks, wrongdoings or other faults. Sometimes that person is no longer in our life and we believe that forgiving them is impossible.

• However I would like to offer you a different perspective on forgiveness. It is actually internal, and it is primarily something you should do for yourself. You see, anger and hate exist only inside you, no matter how much you direct it outwards. And they have a cost.

• If you have someone in your life, especially older people, who can't forgive, then you'll have seen first hand the consequences it carries. It is very toxic to the body and mind. And the only true way to heal those wounds is to honestly and completely forgive those who wronged us.

• I'm not going to say that this is an easy process. Actually on the contrary, it can feel deeply wrong and very exhausting to mentally go through the work necessary to forgive, especially when it is something that stabbed and hurt us badly. The one thing we can think of is revenge, not to “let them off the hook”.

• However that is what is necessary. In the end we aren't judges and it is not up to us to punish evildoers. That is up to the law and the world. This isn't to say we should be doormats, but revenge never will be the answer to our wounds.

• So I would like you to actually try to do this for someone in your past who hurt you. You don't need to tell them or let them know in any way. Remember you are doing this to heal yourself. Think back to that moment and relieve it, and try to see it as an outsider. Perhaps the other person simply didn't know better. Maybe they were just acting out. Or maybe, they had no excuse to do what they did. It doesn't matter. Feel the pain and suffering and allow it to come up. Cry if necessary, and then let it go. You survived, and you did what best you could in the moment. That's all that matters. Nothing can change what happened so just accept it and let. It. Go. This process might take a long time, and it may be very difficult. But it is doable.

• My final tip for you is that if what happened was very bad, you can consider finding a therapist, and find the right one for you. They can really help put your demons to rest. And you should put them to rest. If you don't, they will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Let them go.

Until next time, happy day of the dead.